Degrading bio :::

Years ago Bodie Dennis started the rumor that he was conceived during a particularly controversial episode of Maude. The claim is apocryphal at best, and at worst suggests a swill of psychosis thicker than Henry Rollins' neck. What is definitely true is that he was reluctantly born on the 20th of January, 1976 in Morristown, NJ after being severely overdue. He likes to tell people that the extra month in the womb accounts for his overdeveloped intellect, but sources close to the Dennis family consider this a euphemism for what his mother simply called, "an excruciatingly large head".

In the years that followed, Dennis discovered a fascination with sound that would lead to bad decisions of every shape and size for decades to come. He spent hours (at least two!) developing his intolerable sense of humor, but soon realized the enormous joke books he'd been reading were much funnier when briskly slammed shut behind the backs of unsuspecting strangers.

He also demonstrated a crabby disposition toward his finger painting that was far beyond his years. His unwillingness to explain the choice of color over form during his "favorite foods" period showed a moodiness that was very advanced indeed.

To curb this tendency, young Bodie was sent to a daily public program specially designed to break the spirit of such "creative types". The plan backfired, and he soon began to rebel - wearing bad pants with zippers all over them and carving, "Art scares old people", into all the desks.

Around this time, girls really distracted him. Totally distracted... he... uhh....

Anyway, at the tender age of 19, Mr. Dennis relocated to Arizona and eventually settled in Flagstaff. There, the high elevation and thin air brought a much-needed slowdown to his brain activity. Many see this as the point where Dennis "the artist" really became one of the people, and he was often seen staggering down the street, drooling, mumbling and rubbing garbage into his hair like anyone else.

It was in this continuing haze that Dennis rediscovered his roots. He began spitting wildly, wailing through electrified horns and smearing the landscape with expression that nobody asked for while shouting, "You asked for it!".

Much to the surprise of his peers, people actually began to give Dennis money for this sort of thing. That really did it. The vindication that came from that was enough to make him truly insufferable.

Now only his dog can stand him. On any given day, Bodie Dennis can be found cussing beneath a 40 year old car, writing up a list of ways in which he's better than you, or making a romantic dinner for one.

Amazingly, he does not live in New York, LA, San Francisco, London, Paris or Rome.

Go figure.